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I hit a wall

When I first started this blog, I promised that I would be honest and share both my ups and downs. Well, today I will be sharing an ongoing challenge of mine that I am working to overcome.


Since lockdown began, I have been keeping to my regular workout schedule and making necessary adaptations to my routines to make them work well in the space that I have. At first, I was happy with this arrangement; I felt motivated and committed to my plans. Of course, I would have a few struggles here and there, which is what inspired me to write my 'Be Kind to Yourself!' post, but I was generally feeling happy with my progress. Recently though, there have been more and more obstacles accumulating in my path. The most severe of these setbacks has been the passing of my dog, Tashy, who meant the world to me. Recovering from this loss, while maintaining my pace in education and other commitments, has made day-to-day life more challenging. Health and fitness is typically an escape for me- almost a coping mechanism- but the closure of my local gym has changed that. While having a miniature gym in my bedroom has been successful, it is far too easy for me to get distracted or end the workout early. At home, training feels more like a chore. When I am at my gym, however, it's different in so many ways: I am surrounded by people who I look up to, I am in an environment that is purely for training and hard work, and I have almost instant access to my favourite equipment.


For the past few weeks or so, I have been missing training sessions, or only giving about 30% of my effort. And, as a result, I feel ashamed, which only makes it more difficult to persevere. I know what I should do- maintain a positive attitude, source more inspiration, practice more self discipline, etc, but maybe that is not what I need to do. Perhaps what I really need is to be more understanding of all the difficulties that I am facing. My education and the pursuit of my goals are so incredibly exhausting right now- it wouldn't be such a bad thing if I embrace the fact that they are my top priority right now. Without a doubt, health and fitness is still really important to me, but I need to be smart about how I allocate my energy. If I place fitness right at the top, next to my studies and career, then I am only thinning the ice underneath my feet.


Fitness is a lifestyle that I choose. Why did I choose it? Because it improves my emotional wellbeing, my physical wellbeing, pushes me out of my comfort zone, and proves to myself that I am strong and capable of so many things. That is how it should always be, otherwise why am I doing it? Because of my fear of failure? That is never a healthy, nor sustainable reason to do anything.


My plan for the next few weeks is to let other matters take the priority over fitness. I will still try to keep to my schedule, but I won't shame myself for putting in less effort then usual. It is so so important that I remain kind to myself, especially in these difficult times. After I have seen improvements in my wellbeing, I will then gradually build up my fitness routine, and get back to my old self again.

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